TeBlows

There is no good way to start this blog.  I do not like Tim Tebow.  I really don’t have a problem with Tim’s religious beliefs or his random acts of worship.  I don’t even have a problem with him being a sub par quarterback in the NFL.  The Indianapolis Colts, my favorite team, trotted out two quarterbacks this year that suck as bad if not worse than Tim Tebow.  Hell, there are plenty of bad quarterbacks starting for a NFL team right now. Just ask Chief, Seahawks, Cardinal, Browns, Dolphins, Redksins, Vikings, Jaguars, or Buccaneer’s fans. But I am not writing this about any of those team’s quarterbacks either.  You have to have that extra special suck for me to write about you. And boy does Tim Tebow have it.

ESPN spent one hour of their cornerstone program, “Sportscenter”, devoted completely to Tim Tebow.  Okay, maybe you are saying to yourself that Tim is one of the most talked about athletes there is now and ESPN was trying to pull in ratings. Sounds perfectly logical.  Obviously ESPN has done this in the past right? Brett Favre probably had an hour right? What about Barry Bonds? Maybe Michael Jordan? Nope, nope, and nope.  Someone who has only played twenty three games in his career has gotten a full hour devoted to him on the most popular sports program of all time when no other athlete ever has gotten that honor.

The only explanation for the large following Tim has gotten has to be the Evangelical sect of Christianity.  Tim has been able to pull in a massive amount of people that probably could have cared less about football before he came on the scene.  Evangelicals have an amazing ability to get out in droves and make something popular for no reason other than it carries their message.  Ever heard of a movie called “Fireproof”?  Probably not? Let me give you two facts about it: it was made for $500,000 and starred Kirk Cameron. It also came out in 2008 so it was a little past Kirk’s “Growing Pains” heyday.  Now guess how much that movie made. I will wait. A little more than it’s budget maybe? Try almost $34 million.  Yep, all because it carried a Christian message.  The same thing is happening with Tebow.

If Tim Tebow was a great quarterback and he had an hour dedicated to him it would annoy me.  Every time I see Tom Brady’s stupid smug face I want to punch my television and he has never gotten close to that kind of coverage.  But at least that guy is good. He has Superbowl rings, MVP awards, records. Tim Tebow has his virginity. I’m only going to count Tim’s professional accomplishments because, come on, college doesn’t factor into this. Tim has a Heisman. You know who else does? Tim Couch, Troy Smith, Matt Leinhart, Jason White, and Chris Weinke. Oh by the way, that is just some people that have won the award from 2000. So if you want to use the Heisman as a reason that Tebow is so great please don’t forget about those outstanding award winners.

But Eric, Tim has only been playing in the league for two years and still has time to prove himself.  Fine, valid point, by why does he get a full hour and all of this hype? It stands to reason that if I can’t judge him because he hasn’t gotten enough time then he shouldn’t be getting this kind of coverage.

Lets get down to the nitty gritty. Lets look at the stats for the athlete that caused Sportscenter to do what it never has before for any other athlete.  A Quarterback’s main job is to throw the ball to a receiver.  The best statistic to start with is completions.  Tim had 126 for the year.  You know who had more? Curtis fucking Painter. Come to think of it EVERY other quarterback in the NFL had more completions.  Tim was 33 out of 33 quarterbacks in completions for the 2011 season.  Tim also had an hour of Sportscenter all to himself.  Perhaps you are saying to yourself, “ok, maybe he threw less than anyone else.” Nope, while Tim didn’t make that many pass attempts he did rank 30 out of 33.  Which would make his completion percentage 46.5%. Once again that make him dead last in how often he hit his receivers in the league.  His percentage was 4.3 worse than anyone else in the league. It was 7% worse than the guy two spots ahead of him.  This is happening in an era where there have been rules made to open up the passing game.  Records for quarterbacks are being broken every year and sometimes more than once a season.  In the midst of this Tim Tebow is breaking records in a bad way. And he gets an hour of Sportscenter all to himself. To give Tim credit he doesn’t have the lowest rating in the NFL because he has only thrown six interceptions.  That is a really low number and must be commended. That is until you watch a full Tim Tebow game and he so completely misses his own receivers that defensive backs have no chance to get an interception.

An argument I have heard is that Tebow “just wins”. Well unless he his playing a team with a winning record that is.  How many teams with a winning record did Tim Tebow beat this year? One. And that team had enough injuries that they would have struggled to beat a lot of teams in the NFL.  Tim also had the game of his life and it still took them getting to overtime to win that game.

The best way to express to you how bad Tim Tebow sucks is with this personal story.  Once Tim became the starter for the Broncos he was playing at an astoundingly bad level.  My girlfriend and I thought it would be fun to invent the easiest drinking game of all time.  Every time Tim completed a pass we would take a shot of vodka.  Now if we had played this game with Drew Brees we would have probably taken a total of thirty shots. Drew Brees would have killed us.  What did Tim Tebow do to us? Nothing. We couldn’t even get drunk. He completed so few passes in a game that even though we were taking a shot of vodka for every one he couldn’t even get us drunk.  Tim Tebow…you suck.

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About ericstraub

I find that a lot of things suck. I must write about them.
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